Wanting it all.
On the eve of my “official” first week back from maternity leave, my brain is fizzing. It’s like popping candy up there. One moment there’s excitement about the freedom from little ones demanding every ounce of my attention; to pangs of sadness, guilt and regret about what I might miss; to the buzzing of ideas surrounding where we will take the agency next. All made possible through space away allowing fresh perspectives and every founder's constant battle to work more “on” the business than “in”. Then those looming nerves and niggles of self-doubt with questions looping in my head - Am I still good at my job? Do the team even need me? Is my brain ever going to be the same again after a battleground of sleepless nights for 365+ days straight??
Safe to say it’s chaotic and I need to catch my breath. This is round two for me and let me tell you it has, at times, felt like a boxing match, an ongoing battle and slightly problematic desire of wanting it all.
I’ll be frank. I want a career, a flourishing business, a space to be creative and build something that aligns to my values and makes change; to provide an environment and culture that’s inclusive for others to excel and develop within.
I want a happy family life, to do as many nursery and school pick ups as possible, to build friendships around my kids, for my kids, at the school gates and to squeeze in as many kids classes as humanly possible in a bid to enhance their worlds. To try really hard not to make fish fingers for the third consecutive meal in a row (impossible).
I want a social life. To go to clubs and dance till the early hours, sit in pubs and drink endless pints, try out the latest restaurants on Hot Diners and become a self-proclaimed food critic, go to galleries and meander around for hours sipping coffee, go to the cinema (yeah right, the last cinema I saw the walls of was full of babies and it is not the same).
I want to exercise. Go for long runs, max out my ClassPass and try the latest fitness trend that everyone is banging on about on TikTok.
I want to read endless books. Three on the go please. One fiction that makes me laugh out loud and sob quietly whilst on the tube, two non-fiction filled with as much self help advice as I can gobble up (and instantly forget).
Unashamedly, I want it all. But let’s be honest that’s maybe not going to be possible. Or as a wise person once told me, ‘not all at once’. So as I officially return to Full Fat this week I’m going to make a little pact with myself and that’s to go easy.
I may want it all but life happens in ebbs and flows with fluctuating priorities and that’s ok. I may not have the best social life for now (or ever) and I may miss every new restaurant opening this year. I may not be able to work the same, crazy long hours as I did pre-babes or do every single pick up and I am definitely going to accidentally forget my child at school at least twice. But I’m going to set boundaries that work for me and know that the next few months and years are going to be a ride and that’s all part of the fun.
Life is a balancing act and balance is, for many, the primary goal we strive for. We want to balance our work schedules with spending time with friends, family, new lovers, old lovers, our dogs, cats and hamsters. We want to be healthy both physically and mentally, exercise, meditate, breatheeeee. We want to fill our lives with as many experiences as we can to feel enriched, happy, joyful, excited and inspired.
Full Fat is in the business of experiences and emotions. An agency built on creating moments of connection with campaigns that spark joy, excitement, happiness, conversation, inspiration & awe. As we move into our second decade we have big plans afoot (more to come on this very soon!) So yes, I’m eager to fill my life with as many experiences as I possibly can because I know first hand the positive impact it has, but I’m also going to pace myself.
In the meantime, if this is in any way relatable, below are some tips to help navigate that burning desire of wanting it all, whilst also striking a balance, reminding ourselves that it is possible to have a version of it all, but perhaps not all at once.
Be honest. If things are tough or not working, tell your colleagues, business partner or line manager. Create a space where honesty is valued with the knowledge that actionable change can and will happen and speak up if those spaces aren’t being truly honoured.
Flexible working does work. If Covid taught us anything, giving people the opportunity to work to a schedule that works for them not only enhances happiness levels but also productivity.
Get organised. Create a shared calendar with your partner or child’s carers to set in stone the schedule around pick ups and time away and honour that time.
Diarise time for you. Whether that be regular exercise, a night out, or time with friends. Often people feel a loss of identity when kids arrive and parental burnout is tipped to be a growing issue in our busy worlds. This will help.
Boost your confidence. Figure out tactics to help you shake off that imposter syndrome from daily gratitudes, to post-it notes stuck to your laptop saying “I am good at my job”, to visualisation and meditation.
Onboard in the same way a new starter would. So you can hit the ground running with the right tools to do your job from the offset.
Build relationships. Buddy up with someone who has been through a similar experience and do it for at least six months.
Be kind to yourself. It takes time to adjust. Life is different after babies and you won’t necessarily be able to do the same things you did before. That can be really hard however, I do genuinely believe parenthood can enhance your skills and abilities and make you even better in your role.